Green Jacket, Gold Jacket, Who Gives a…..

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Today is the day we’ve all been waiting for, Sunday at the Masters. We’ve been immersed in green fairways, green jackets and Georgia Pines for the last week. Before it’s over, here are 18 observations, predictions and insights from the team at Dirty Water Golf. Let’s go ahead and use the names of each hole at Augusta for added nostalgia.

TEA OLIVE: Nothing pays homage to the King better than a sexy leaderboard and this one is on fire. Carl’s Jr. ads have nothing on this leaderboard.

PINK DOGWOOD: What happened to Hoffman’s sick flow? I don’t think Samson can win without his gorgeous, blond locks.

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FLOWERING PEACH: Remember Keenan Ivory Wayans in ‘I’m Gonna Git You Sucka’, walking down the street with a 70’s funk band following closely behind? I swear Fred Couples has an orchestra walking behind him, playing that Masters theme song every time he shows up at Augusta. Jim Nance is walking backwards conducting.

FLOWERING CRAB APPLE: Justin Rose will not go quietly. He is extremely gifted with a textbook, perfect swing that even Tiger Woods envies. He’s also putting brilliantly. I still can’t stand him after what he said after the Ryder Cup defeat. I hope he puts on goggles, a swim cap and one of those old school, English Channel bathing suits and does laps in Rae’s Creek.

MAGNOLIA: Charlie Hoffman has a very simple swing and a confident putting stroke. His shortage of top 10’s at majors doesn’t seem to be in his head. Could he actually pull this off? Nah, he’s done.

JUNIPER: John Rahm is a BEAST! Are there Vegas odds on how many majors this guy will win over his career? I’m starting the over/under at 4.

PAMPAS: From my boy KatMandu: Sergio makes a bitter beer face after every shot, good or bad. It’s just annoying to follow a guy like that.

YELLOW JASMINE: Fowler doesn’t miss putts inside 12 feet. How does he do it? Is he a Marine Corps sniper on the side? One of the announcers compared his putting stroke to Adam Scott’s full swing. That was great color commentary. Rickie is 9 under on the par fives this week. Insert the emoji face with the big surprised look. Snapchat, Insta story, etc. Sorry I’m just trying to speak the language of Rickie’s audience.

CAROLINA CHERRY: If you’re not following the Masters “Featured Groups” coverage on Masters.com you’re missing out. It’s the best golf coverage I’ve ever seen. Yesterday Justin Thomas teed off on one of the front nine holes (you know, the ones they never show us on TV). They captured his tee-shot from the front and then never panned away, staying with him and his caddie as he picked up his tee, un-pealed a Powerbar and walked all the way to his ball in the fairway. Talk about seeing the whole course. Great stuff. Keep in mind the Powerbar was changed to Mastersbar and it had a green and yellow wrapper.

WHITE DOGWOOD: Adam Scott hasn’t had much luck. However, he’s still set up for a possible 2nd green jacket. What’s up with his putter though? The putter head is the size of a cereal box. I didn’t know Kellogg’s was getting into the golf equipment biz. Can he make clutch putts without his stand up anchor, that’s the real question? I think he’s gonna do just Grrrrrrrrreat!

GOLDEN BELL: What is it about Augusta that fits Charl Schwartzel’s game? Can he fire in another,6-hole, birdie flourish like he did in 2011? Don’t sleep on this guy. He’s from South Africa so he probably has diplomatic IMMMMUNITY.

AZALEA: Will the real Rory McIlroy please stand up? This guy has looked like the next Tiger, ready to pull away from the field and pile up majors. Now he just doesn’t look engaged. Too much Crossfit maybe?

CHINESE FIR: Imagine you could have one of these majestic holes as your backyard. Which one would you choose? I’d pick 13, Azalea. That hole is just about the most strikingly beautiful hole I can imagine. I’d also have a pretty big back yard.

FIRETHORN: How did Jack win this thing 3 out of 4 years? What a machine.

REDBUD: A friend of Dirty Water Golf sent us a picture of the Hooters in Augusta featuring a meet and greet with John Daly. The neon sign was half broken with only the HOO lit up. Oh Augusta, you silly little fella.

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NANDINA: From my boy The Rooster (Former Wing Foot Heavyweight Champ): Phil played great then showed his age. Phil should learn from Freddie and start to pace himself. I feel like Dr. Evil is going to show up and tell Phil that there’s nothing more pathetic than an aging hipster.

HOLLY: Augusta national always wins. Best putters in the world sweating over 3-footers.

It will be a little sad once The Masters is over but we’re set up for an amazing Sunday showdown. At least we have the Jack Nicklaus movie starting tonight to help us come down slowly off of this golf high.

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