I can almost guarantee that you had a high school social studies teacher who dropped this little pearl of wisdom on your class: Unless we learn from history then we’re destined to repeat it.

According to The Atlantic’s Ken Rosenthal, Princess J.D. Martinez was sulking because the Red Sox won’t kow-tow to Martinez and agent Scott Boras’ demands for a seven-year contract. While the Red Sox have offered to overpay this prima donna with a more than generous five-year $125 million deal, Martinez is allegedly “fed up with the Red Sox inflexibility.”

Hey, J.D. Martinez, go [do something that is anatomically impossible].

More importantly, the Red Sox need to learn from history. It has only been seven seasons since the Red Sox emptied the piggy bank to bring in Adrian Gonzalez and Carl Crawford on exorbitant contracts. Neither of these guys wanted to play in Boston, and their first seasons in Sox uniforms ended in the epic 2011 September collapse—complete with fried chicken and Bud Light and apathy. It was a collapse that cost manager Terry Francona his job.

Granted, Gonzalez and Crawford are not exactly analogous. While Gonzalez put up serviceable statistics in Boston, he played with the passion of an exhausted porn star. Meanwhile, Crawford was a slow-motion car wreck, a totaled disaster.

Yet both these guys had ear-to-ear grins on the their flights out of town in 2012, sitting beside Josh Beckett and the inimitable Nick Punto, after Dodger GM Magic Johnson did Boston a solid by eating those contracts.

Let’s backpedal through history a little further to 2005 and recall a certain St. Louis Cardinals’ shortstop who the Red Sox overpaid to replace one of the most affable players to don a Sox uniform in recent times, Orlando Cabrera. Edgar Rentaria never really wanted to be in Boston, and the experience started playing tricks with his glove, earning him the nickname “Rent-a-Wreck.”

Are we starting to notice a common theme?

Red Sox fans should rightfully be pissed that the Head of Baseball Operations Dave Dombrowski has redefined the word “inert” this off-season, doing to nothing to address the power gap in Boston’s line-up.

Meanwhile, the Yankees landed Miami slugger Giancarlo Stanton, who—alongside last year’s Rookie-of-the-Year Aaron Judge—will be launching balls onto the Mass Pike for nine games this season.

Still, if we can learn anything from history, signing J.D. Martinez will be a veritable shit-show, and unless Martinez puts up Papi-like numbers, this player—who is clearly tone-deaf when it comes to Boston fans—will be booed out New England by the All-Star Break.

While the Red Sox, right now, are slated to be historically mediocre, they are still better off without this diva. If he signs in Boston, which seems like a long-shot, we already know how this is going to end. History is destined to repeat itself.

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Nathan Graziano lives in Manchester, New Hampshire. His books include Teaching Metaphors (Sunnyoutside Press, 2007), After the Honeymoon (Sunnyoutside Press, 2009), Hangover Breakfasts (Bottle of Smoke Press, 2012), Sort Some Sort of Ugly (Marginalia Publishing, 2013), and My Next Bad Decision (Artistically Declined Press, 2014). Almost Christmas, a collection of short prose pieces, was recently published by Redneck Press in 2017. Graziano writes a baseball column for Dirty Water Media. For more information, please visit his website: www.nathangraziano.com.

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