A few quick hits to start your Thursday.
All right stop, collaborate and listen. Tom Brady was hanging with Vanilla Ice:
— Vanilla Ice (@vanillaice) May 5, 2016
File under: Ice, Ice Brady.
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Somebody cheated on Katie Nolan:
— Garbage Time (@GarbageTime) May 5, 2016
Pablo Sandoval is back in Boston to prepare for the birth of his girlfriend’s baby and it looks like the surgery to remove Panda’s huge ass went well:
— Recs Baseball (@Recs_Baseball) May 5, 2016
The blame game has begun for the Pablo Problem. With everyone now agreeing — except Tom Werner and John Henry — that Panda showed up out of shape in Fort Myers for the second year in a row, Sandova’s brother Michael is throwing Rafael Alvarez, Panda’s trainer, under the bus. Michael told ESPN in an email that Alvarez showed “a lack of professionalism and seriousness” in not adhering to the workout goals outlined by the Red Sox according to ESPN Boston’s Scott Lauber:
“There was never a conditioning plan as such, but the Red Sox offered their staff to support Pablo in his exercise routine. They met with Pablo’s personal trainer, and they handed a workout plan to be followed for Pablo, but his personal trainer never did it. [Alvarez] isn’t guided by this plan, as shown by the results so far.”
Alvarez was singing a different tune in Fort Myers in February when he spoke to WEEI.com’s Rob Bradford about the portly third baseman.
“He’s better than he was last year,” Alvarez said. “More muscle. His speed and range is good. There’s no problems. He’s quicker than he was last year. … He’s better. He’s very, very good. This year, he will stay better. You will see a different Pablo Sandoval.”
Alvarez also claimed Pablo lost about 25 pounds between the end of the 2015 season and his arrival at JetBlue Park in February. Rafael is obviously a world-class bullshitter.
With home run No. 509 overall last night, David Ortiz is just one long ball away from tying Carl Yazstremski on the Red Sox all-time list at 452.
— Boston Red Sox (@RedSox) May 5, 2016
#TBT: The only hope Red Sox fans have for moving Pablo out of town is another Nick Punto miracle trade in 2017:
— Nick Punto (@Shredderpunto) August 25, 2012
That’s just Jon Being Jon:
— Cut4 (@Cut4) May 4, 2016
Danny Ainge is bullish on the Summer of Celtics. The Herald’s Steve Bulpett has Danny’s optimism:
“My expectations are high this offseason, and yet I also know that it takes good fortune. We need the (draft lottery) ping-pong balls to bounce our way to give us the best opportunity, whether we use that pick or whether we trade that pick. And in free agency, we have opportunities, and that’s all we have. We have no guarantees of great things happening. We just have a lot of hope. And so we have a lot of work ahead of us, and we have to have plan A through Z. Usually it’s more A through G, but we have A through Z this year to have an opportunity to upgrade our team…
“The problem with the draft is we don’t know what’s going to happen in free agency. We can’t start free agency until after the draft, and so we have to just plan and see what our team needs first. We need to sort of first set our sights on trades and drafting. We’ll be looking at all the possibilities.”
Ainge has already made one smart move this offseason by electing to send Isaiah “The Leprechaun” Thomas to the draft lottery and leaving lovable loser M.L. Carr at home this time.
Old friend Don Orsillo doesn’t need Jerry Remy to lose his shit on television:
Today my goal is to correctly identify my partner in the open as we play day baseball in SD. pic.twitter.com/jODOgbGrgT.
— Don Orsillo (@DonOrsillo) May 4, 2016
Old friend Derek Jeter thinks you’ve gone soft, Boston.
“People always used to say to me: ‘I’m sorry, I’m a Boston fan’,” Jeter told Seth Meyers. “And I don’t care if you’re a Boston fan, that’s fine, we’re not at the stadium, just don’t yell at me at restaurants.
“But it doesn’t happen anymore—I can say this now because I’m retired, the Boston fans have softened up since you guys have won. It pains me to say it — and, I don’t want to say it; I’m not happy you won — but, you treat me a lot better.”
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone. And try not to eat any tainted Mexican beef.