Anyone else ever wonder if any episode of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette hasn’t been ‘the most dramatic episode yet’? Last night’s episode certainly could have been dubbed ‘the most awkward episode yet,’ maybe even ‘the most obnoxious episode yet.’ But the most dramatic? No, probably not.
So our episode begins right where we left off. Yup, you guessed it. Chad drama. To recap in case you missed it, we all hate Chad. He’s the season’s d-bag meathead jerk. Even my mom called him a d-bag. To which she immediately followed with “I hate that word!”
Yes mom, I know.
Speaking of my mom, I typically love watching the The Bachelor/Bachelorette with her. Her offhand comments (‘terrible haircut’) and frequent eye rolls really enhance my overall viewing experience. Last night this was not the case.
The episode took it to a whole new level of awkwardness for a solid seven eights of the two hour episode making it quite possibly, the most awkward episode yet. Here are our 17 reason why.
- Chad and Daniel working out together. Chad literally watches Daniel doing some kind of bend-over weight lifts – from behind. And he seems to really enjoy it.
- That entire yoga date. First date? Yeah lets go do couples hot yoga and share in some sweat-covered intimate connections!! Are we surprised that JoJo and Chase ended up making out as they were ‘yib-yabbing’? No. Side note- I’ve done my fair share of yoga and I’m pretty 100% sure that’s not a real yoga pose.
- That yoga instructor. Ok yogi bear. Why? I repeat WHY did you feel the need to make a fool of yourself by partaking in an ‘angergasm’ while trying to pass it off as yoga. It looked uncomfortable for you. It was definitely uncomfortable for all of us, and I’m pretty confident that disturbing image is gonna stick with me for a long time.
- Jordan’s fly away hair. It happened last week. It happened this week. And every time that damn piece of hair flops over to the other side I find it hard to concentrate on anything else. More hairspray, Jordan. More hairspray.
5. That group date with the sex noises. This is when watching with mom became really awkward. I’m glad I was live tweeting during the event because it gave me the ability to pretend to be totally absorbed in my computer. I don’t know whose job is worse – the weirdo yoga instructor or the woman who makes sex noises into a mic for 4 minutes straight.
- That time Evan was so proud to be an erectile dysfunction specialist. Why Evan?
- That time JoJo totally denied Chad. Oh yeah, that happened three times. They were awesome.
- That other time Evan gave JoJo an ultimatum. Totally didn’t see this one coming. So the creepy little man gives JoJo an ultimatum of him or Chad. This whole time I’m thinking ‘bad move Evan, you’re not nearly attractive enough to be doing that. And it ends up getting him a rose. I. Don’t. Understand.
- That time Evan got a date Rose. This has to be the producers making JoJo keep Evan, right? Right!? There’s really absolutely no other explanation for this.
- Oh yeah and that time Evan did a confessional addressing his children. Did he really say “Boys guess what? Daddy made out with JoJo.” I think he actually really said that.
- The lack of screen time for Derek. I don’t know about you but this was extremely awkward for me. Give the people what they want.
- Every time Chad spoke. Kidding. That wasn’t awkward it just made us want to punch him in the face every 20 seconds.
- That time the 92-year-old swing dance instructor was prettier than you. Seriously that woman was ridiculously good looking for 92.
- Watching JoJo watch James. Few things could be more awkward than watching someone sing and play guitar for just you. Wait, do some people think that’s romantic? Am I just heartless?
- Those orange canteens. Here sit on the top of this convertible over looking LA holding these most likely empty orange canteens of hot chocolate! If I’m bringing a canteen on an outdoor date it’s going to be filled with wine. And by canteen, I mean Camelbak.
16. When Chad outright confirms that he uses steroids. ‘Yeah there’s no way I could have brought them with me.’ Oh, ok.
17. And that time that Chad threatened to cut off everyone’s arms and legs and throw them in the pool. Chris Harrison: ‘Go resolve the situation peacefully, maybe apologize.’ Chad: ‘Ok. I’m gonna cut everyone.’
(Side note: you can fit an entire bottle of wine into a Camelbak. You’re welcome)
And no worries #BachelorNation you don’t need to wait until next Monday for two more fun-filled hours of ridiculousness . . .because there will be two more hours tonight! This week was just too drama-filled for one night! In other words, ABC is going to make you watch four hours of the bachelorette for about 2-minutes of real drama!
So get that Camelbak filled with wine and be on the lookout for our Bachelorette drinking game coming soon! And while you wait be sure to follow our hilarious live-tweets during the episode!
Happy watching my friends.