The Down & Dirty When It Comes to Dating – The “Unofficial” Rules

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This blog pertains to a couple rules to keep in mind when you’re in the “dating” stage of a potential relationship. When you’re past the point of a fling but not quite sure what it’s going to turn into. There are 2 rules to keep in mind. The First is – Don’t expect to little. The Second is – Don’t do too much. Let me explain.

When it comes to the idea of not expecting “too little”, this means you need to know which things are non-negotiable. As women we often have a basic idea as to how we want things to go or how we think they should be. At times we can loose some of those ideals along the way in our quest to make things work. Granted it can’t always go the way we want. Though, you need to decide which things you’re not willing to accept. Let’s use a real example. Recently, one of my friends asked me for advice about a guy that she’s been “talking” to for a while. I use quotation marks a lot in describing these situations because “dating” can be very confusing when it comes to identifying the terms of how we function. She was dating this guy with no definition of where it was going. They started having conversations about it becoming a relationship. That part was fine because it’s what she wanted to hear. The problem is his actions didn’t fall in-line with that discussion. He basically started to “fall off” when it came to the consistency of his communication. (I think we’ve all been there) Unfortunately, we tend to make excuses for someone as we get to know them better. That’s what she started to do. We say things like; I know he’s busy or he has a lot on his mind. The problem is things usually don’t get better once you start to accept things you’re not comfortable with. Hence, the rule.  Don’t expect too little because how things begin is usually how they’ll continue. So before you start making excuses for someone remember what they were capable of in the beginning because that’s how they got you!

Now, when it comes to “not doing too much” this refers to making sure the other person’s actions match yours. If you’re the one doing most of texting, calling or putting in most of the effort, than you’re probably “doing too much” Another example – A friend of mine just started “seeing” this guy. The beginning is always fun. They were flirting with each other in public and having 5 hour long conversations on the phone at night. Anyway let’s fast forward to where it went wrong. She may have showed him how much she liked him too early. It’s natural that the more you like someone the more you want to show it. You can’t help that. What you can help is how much of yourself you give. There was a point that she tried to communicate with him and wasn’t getting the timely responses she once did. The more she reached out the fewer words he had.  The less he said, the more questions she asked. It’s funny how quickly things can change. One minute you’re talking all the time, next minute it’s not the same. We all move at different speeds so there can be a lot of confusion when it seems like one person is moving too fast. That’s when you find yourself on different pages. So do your best to stay on the same page (same pace) until you figure out what book you’re reading. It might be a novel or a short story, make sense? If you’re doing or showing too much there’s a greater chance he may do too little. That’s the balance of power.

These rules can apply to relationships in general. Though, it’s important to lay the path down right from the beginning. Keep it simple. Expect what you deserve and give what’s deserving. Good luck.

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