Jon Snow Walks Into A Bar…

What would the Game of Thrones characters order at a modern-day bar?

Game of Thrones returns to HBO this Sunday, April 24, and it’s difficult to predict which character(s) will lose their head or prevail. Instead, let’s discuss what each of them would drink if they visited a modern-day bar.

The other night some friends and I were joking about what Cersei Lannister would sip if she sat down next to us at the bar. Would she go for the Skinnygirl® margarita for fear that she might have to take another naked shame stroll through town? Or would she down a dirty gin martini with a spear of two olives and get back to maneuvering the men around her like pawns? This quickly became a game of choosing cocktails for the cast:

If you are not up to date with the series then beware of spoilers below.

Jon Snow – What will become of our beloved Night’s Watch swordsman after he met his demise at the close of last season? Will he be resurrected by Melisandre? Or burned on a pyre only to arise as the Father of Dragons? (Please, please, please.) Whatever his destiny, he’s gonna need a six pack of Coors’ Light. And you can be sure the mountains will emit their bluest hue up at the wall.

Khaleesi – Daenerys would shoot a spirit that’s only fit for the Mother of Dragons. Obviously, it’s Fireball.

Sansa Stark and Theon “Reek” Greyjoy – The two childhood friends narrowly escaped the living nightmare of Ramsay Bolton and Myranda. After running along the castle wall, they joined hands and jumped into a snowy abyss. Literally a leap of faith and desperation, this scene is a total Cliffhanger and I’m sure both of them would want one.

Melisandre – It’s not a cocktail but, blood. Definitely blood. Okay, moving on.

Jaime Lannister – The Kingslayer has seen his fair share of wins and losses, but these days he’s favoring the latter. His son Joffrey is dead (good riddance), he lost his hand, and now he’s returning to Cersei with their poisoned, deceased daughter Myrcella. He and Bronn should’ve stayed in Dorne to open a bar that solely serves Left Hand Stout.

Arya Stark – She’s too young to drink but she lost her sight after killing Sir Meryn with an oyster knife and I bet she’d want some milk of the poppy, a.k.a. RumChata.

Hodor – Hodor.

The Hound – Brienne of Tarth left him for dead after a solid beating. He could be dead or perhaps he just needs the hair of the dog that bit him.

The Mountain – Resurrected by Qyburn, the Mountain greets Cersei after her penance walk and has sworn his silence until he kills all of her enemies. Yup, he’d order a Zombie.

Ser Jorah Mormont – A.k.a “Ser Friendzone” was infected with Greyscale. He will ultimately take anything on the rocks.