I hate to admit it, but this episode sans Chad just wasn’t the same. Anyone else agree?
Coming off a week break, ‘The Bachelorette’ picked up right where we left off with Chad creepily lurking outside the guy’s Pennsylvania hotel room.
Side note: why are they in Pennsylvania in the first place? I can think of about 500 better places to visit, but maybe the locations are supposed to match this season’s cast? Are we going for a painfully boring theme here?
Moving on. Chad comes in to declare, “I guess she thinks I’m too intense or something.” You think, Chad? Maybe just a little. So it’s adios Chad, let the fiesta begin. The guys celebrated by releasing his leftover protein powder into the wind like ashes. They later go on to ruin perfectly good cupcakes by shoving them into Alex’s face. What is it with this show and its utter lack of respect for food? I just can’t take it anymore.
The Cocktail Party
The cocktail party follows and all the guys freak out when they see Robby and JoJo making out by the fountain. This is by far my favorite part of any bachelor/bachelorette show. Guys, you’ve seen the show before, you know how it works, so why are you freaking out when you know that JoJo is dating plenty of other guys besides you?
So we’re a half hour in and already at a rose ceremony and America is collectively rooting for Evan to be sent home. To be honest, I don’t think there’s a single person anywhere who actually wants him to stay. But he stays and I just don’t understand.
James F. and Daniel get sent home and we finally get out of middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania. Where to next?
This part of the show was by far the funniest, solely based on the fact that none of the guys could pronounce ‘Uruguay’ correctly. A lot of them also had no idea where it was, proving once again that JoJo has some real keepers in this group.
They arrive in Punta del Este, and I couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t look like the nicest of places. Every episode just makes me feel more and more sorry for JoJo. First, a mediocre group of guys at best. Next, Pennsylvania. Now this?
Jordan gets the first one-on-one in Uruguay and the two spend the day making out on a yacht. Later that night things get a little awkward once JoJo confronts Jordan about a past girlfriend. JoJo somehow just randomly met one of Jordan’s exes and that she didn’t have the best things to say about him. Jordan claimed he never “physically cheated” but that he was too focused on his football career to put a lot into the relationship. Sorry Jordan, but how much do you have to focus on football when all you’re doing is sitting on the bench?
Return of the Chad
While JoJo and Jordan are out on their date, the rest of the guys are back at the hotel where they just magically encounter some tabloids featuring slanderous stories about JoJo. Hmm, wonder how a bunch of dudes just happened to find those? Thanks producers, y’all are the best.
The tabloids claim that JoJo is still in love with her ex, Chad (a different Chad) and that she’s only there for publicity. The guys find this deeply upsetting. Meanwhile, I’m on my couch laughing because one, how does she know so many Chads? Two, Chad is a funny name. And three, this is all so obviously staged.
Next they cut to a confessional where JoJo is talking about how she is just so, so happy and then, boom.
Producer: “I think you should see this.” *hands over fabricated tabloid story*
JoJo: *ugly sobs*
Again, so staged. So funny. JoJo is clearly upset by the tabloid article and sits down for a little heart-to-heart with the guys to explain. They’re more than happy to comfort her. Shocker.
We then move on to a group date where everyone becomes jealous of Derek and therefore annoyed by his insecurities and need for reassurance. (Don’t worry Derek, I still love you).
Later, Robby confesses his love to JoJo just a mere 17 times on his one-on-one. Don’t you think it’s just a little early for that, Rob?
To be honest, the rest of the episode was painfully boring and I won’t waste your time with the unnecessary details. All you need to know is that Evan FINALLY got sent home.
2 points for America.
Until next week, Bachelor Nation.